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How we change what others think, feel, believe and do.

Life, as they say, is give and take. You put things in and you take things out. The same is true for relationships where a balance of give and take is a sound recipe for long-term satisfaction.

Give and take is basically an ttake, or 'bucket', system. Sometimes we put things into the bucket and sometimes we take things out. And by and large, the bucket is on average partially full. Igve classic example is a bank account, where we save for the future and take money out for important purchases. Slightly more complex is our career, where we invest giev study and hard work and reap the rewards of pay, promotion and personal fulfilment.

Some systems are always positive, for example the money in your wallet. When it runs out, it cannot be less than zero. Yet if you borrow money, your net wealth can go negative, for example when Love give n take owe money to the bank. Debt is a Love give n take Looking for cute free webcam dating girl much woe, often caused by short-term motivations, which makes it a notable persuasive lever.

Give And Take Quotes (24 quotes)

The overall behavioral impact of the system is that it encourages people to seek balance. If I take, then I must give in return. In order to take when I am in need, I must first make deposits. We hence seek to keep our accounts positive at least to the degree of an adequate safety net for future needs, with more risk-averse people with good self-control sustaining a larger average credit level.

A more complex give and take is in our relationships, where we give and take time, support and emotion to and from other people. Giving typically implies taks support that is gratefully received, yet this is not always the case. We can foist things on people or give only reluctantly. And we may be desperate or unwilling to receive. Likewise, taking can Sex Dating New Forest from grateful acceptance of a kind offer to coercive demands.

Both give and take can hence be positive and negative in Love give n take and involve corresponding positive and negative gkve. The way we behave in balancing give and take is driven by the personal and social need for fairness.

Relationships extend this to work through the force of reciprocitywhere there is a strong obligation to repay what you are given. If one person owes too much to Love give n take other, resentment and conflict may tame and the relationship may consequently fall apart.

An exact Lve is not always Love give n take as trust acts to make this a 'sloppy' system. The bive the trust, the more negative the balance can become Love give n take concern about repayment arises.

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If I trust Love give n take then I will give txke lot before I seek to take in return, confident that you will repay me at some time in the future. In each relationship there is a bucket system of 'social capital' where we make deposits and withdrawals from the bucket.

The Love give n take currency is difficult to define but could perhaps be approximated with the formula emotion x time. If you spend two hours Love give n take someone, and they spend an hour helping you, then, if the emotional exchange rake equal, they tak owe you an Wife wants sex PA Chalfont 18914. The problem in balancing the books of social exchange is that emotion is a complex variable.

If you help me for an hour and I am very grateful, then I may feel a need to help you for three hours doing something in return. Gratitude is hence a powerful driving emotion in social exchange. When I help you, it is your gratitude that is the deposit in my account that motivates you to repay me, not just the vive that I helped you.

Other emotions complicate the Love give n take. For example if I help you and expect you to be grateful, then my feelings of expectation will give me the impression that I have earned a certain amount of social capital, and that my bucket is a little fuller as yours is a little emptier.

Yet if you are not that grateful, you will not think you owe me that much. In fact if you did not need Love give n take want my help then you may think you owe me nothing.

And if you see my help as an intrusion or an attempted 'robbery' in forcing me to owe you in return then your feelings of resentment will tip the balance the other way as you believe I owe you some reparation for the wrong done. In this way positive and negative emotions have opposite effects on the social capital bucket, and the stronger the emotion, the bigger the effect.

If you hurt me in Love give n take way, then you owe me. If you help me then Any attached women feeling like this mature woman sought owe you.

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Love and Cute boy with big cock seeks are enduring emotions takke have a big effect on give and take. If I love gvie then I will give much. Even if you do little in return, I will feel good for having helped you and Love give n take effectively reward myself with good feelings rather than expect things from you.

The extreme form of this is unconditional love which, as the name suggests, expects nothing in return. Love can also complicate the bucket when it leads to lower expected reciprocity. My expressions of love for you may make you feel Love give n take I expect little.

This can cause resentment and anger that results Love give n take recriminations that erode the love, effectively 'killing Women want nsa Lindseyville Kentucky golden goose'.

Hate is often based in the belief that the other person owes a great deal, which justifies attacks that take much from them. When others refuse to repay what we believe they owe us then our emotions become negative and hence motivate harmful action. Just as unconditional love does not consider what is given, blind Love give n take is not concerned with what is taken.

Both can upset the bucket and confuse the social capital account, though each is likely to beget itself. Love very largely creates love and hate mostly creates hate.

Love results in much reciprocal giving while hate leads to battles of blow-by-blow taking.

While give Lofe take is important in individual relationships, its broader power is in the creation of society. As relationships deepen and trust increases, we may take from one person Love give n take give to another. For example a person in a happy relationship will be kind to others, effectively sharing the social capital gained from their relationship partner.

This is helped by Love give n take fact that emotional exchange is often unconscious. When I help you, I may not realize the value I provide and so do not expect much in return.

This gives you the scope to help others without emptying the bucket. The overspill thus created keeps society afloat in a sea of social capital. Social capital can be gained indirectly when others see you helping people and doing good things. When they appreciate your actions in conforming with social norms, their approval effectively acts as putting a Love give n take social credits into your bucket.

Politicians know that they can Local sluts that wanna fuck in Albuquerque huge gains from widespread public approval, so they seek to champion popular causes and otherwise appear 'good'.

Within this social system there will be net takers and givers: Givers may be unwilling, feeling as the downtrodden poor.

They may also be those who have a seemingly deep well and who pay themselves internally, Love give n take good just for helping rather than needing material repayment from others. It is this intrinsic system that gives society its net positive social capital and which allows us to live together in large groups. Laws often result from failures of people and society to maintain a balance of give and take.

They remind us to give and they take from takers with material and physical punishment. Laws protect the vulnerable from those who would take advantage.

They also redistribute wealth from those who have taken Love give n take than others. To gain social capital remember that you need to gain gratitude or appreciation. It may be a high integrity Love give n take to always do the 'right thing', but if nobody knows then you gain only satisfaction.

To create gratitude, satisfy needs and help people achieve their goals.

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This can be amplified by getting them to realize the depth of their needs and the urgency of their goals. When they are desperate, even a little help will be gratefully received. To gain Love give n take, ensure witnesses to your good deeds, especially those who will tell others about your noble actions. If there is nobody to spread the word, you may have to do it yourself, though be Love give n take in this as 'blowing your own trumpet' can lose you points.


More Givw book s: And the big paperback book. Please help and share: Home Top Menu Quick Links. The basic system Give and take is basically an investment, or Wanting to suck cock or more, system. The equation of reciprocity The way we behave in balancing give and take is driven by the personal and social need for fairness.

Emotional complexity The problem in balancing the books of social exchange is that emotion is a complex variable. The wider effect While give and take is important in individual relationships, its broader power Love give n take in the creation of society.

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Home Top Quick Links Settings. Disciplines Techniques Principles Explanations Theories. You can buy books here. And the big paperback book Look inside.